When Plans Fail

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

When I came back from Ellerslie in April, I longed to go back for the Advanced Ellerslie Training course. It was about 10 months long, which seemed like a perfect time. Still pretty long but not too long. The course sounded absolutely wonderful and I believed the Lord was leading me to pursue it for the Spring of 2014.

So, I began working as a part-time nanny and raising money for Advanced. I had my plans (which I truly thought were from the Lord), but all of that has suddenly changed.

I just found out recently that Ellerslie is changing their Advanced program. Because of all the changes (they're wonderful changes, just different than what my plans were), I don't know if the Lord is calling me to go back to Ellerslie. I don't know where the Lord has me next year (He certainly could lead me to Ellerslie), but essentially, I'm back to square one: the unknown.

If you know my family's story (the Lord's leading in all of our moves), then you know how often we were faced with the unknown of where to live, what the future held, etc. And because the Lord had led us through those situations so often, there was a part of me that believed I had the whole "trusting in the Lord" lesson learned. Oh, how prideful! How foolish!

And praise Jesus, He has taken the blinders off my eyes! By removing all my former plans for next year, I was faced with the unknown again. With all my neat, little ideas gone, would I gladly trust and follow Him? What if He chose not to show me what next year holds...until next year?

These are questions the Lord has been bringing to the surface over the past couple days. And He has been so faithful to lead me back to Himself! Yes, is it easier to have the next year figured out, but there is such joy and beauty in learning to let go of "my desires and plans". For in the unknown, I am pushed to learn a greater dependence on Him. Praise the Lord for the precious, little ways that He continues to break us of ourself and turn our eyes to Him! 

I also love the timing of all of this. The Lord so perfectly chose to remove all of my plans, right before my family's vacation back to Michigan. Even though I hadn't blatantly said this, I was excited by the idea of knowing exactly what to say when all of my old friends and family ask me what my plans are. How self-reliant I still am! Jesus, save me from myself! I wanted to have a pretty "normal" answer to give to everyone, not the "I don't know, I'm just waiting on the Lord" answer that I've always had. But, why? Why would I want to remove the ability to proclaim my absolute need of and dependence on Him? To make myself look better? The Lord knows I need to be broken of that mindset as well! How gracious He is!

So friends, if any of you are wondering, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing in the next year. And I am so excited about that! Today, I am looking to Jesus. In His perfect time, He will show me the next step. What a sweet Savior we have!

Home Again!

Sunrise at Ellerslie

Hello again, friends! How have you all been over the past three months?

It feels strange to be posting on my blog, after such a long time away. I'm excited to begin writing on a regular basis again, and look forward to what the Lord has planned for this little blog. He is so worthy!

Ah, my dear reader, how do I begin to explain my time at Ellerslie? I've been home for nearly a month now (which is incredibly hard to believe!) and still find it difficult to answer people who ask about it.

The hardest question of all is probably, "So, what did you learn?" What did I learn in nine weeks? How am I supposed to answer that in a couple sentences? I'm still trying to figure that out...  =)

But, for now, this would be my answer.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by everything the Lord convicted me of, uncovered, and taught me during my nine weeks at Ellerslie. Like Ephesians 3:20 talks about, my precious Savior did so much more than I had asked or imagined. Being surrounded by men and women seeking hard after Jesus Christ and immersed in the Truth of His Word day in and day out were both such incredible blessings! It was truly a piece of heaven on earth.

But, the thing that was the most precious of all was time spent alone with my Savior. Being able to bask in His presence without interruption. Learning to wait upon Him and walk with Him throughout the day. Understanding that my life is nothing, but His is everything. Beginning to grasp the reality of what it means to be "in Christ". Sitting at His feet and gazing on my Beloved's face! Oh, words cannot describe what a remarkable blessing those nine weeks were...what a remarkable blessing they were because of the One who was there. Words simply fall short.

Though there were many truths the Lord implanted into my heart, the main, over-arching theme of those nine weeks was His All-Sufficiency. It seems simple, doesn't it? But do you understand how inclusive the word all is? I didn't until the Lord began opening my eyes to this. Even though the Lord had given 2 Corinthians 12:9 as my theme verse for the year, He truly impressed those four powerful words upon my soul, as He started teaching me what it means to depend upon Him for everything.

"My grace is sufficient.."

Do you see Him, friends? Do you realize that at every moment of the day, in every temptation, every difficult moment, every trial, He is sufficient? It's easy to say, but it's another thing to live by.

We live in a culture with a cure for everything. Are you tired? Try caffeine. Weighed down with the cares of life? Go relax with a movie. Struggling to get out of bed in the morning? Take anti-depressants.

Is this the way we've been called to live, as followers of Jesus Christ? Are we to look to Jesus just during devotions in the morning, but then depend upon something else for everything you need during the rest of the day? If He is the Sufficient One, shouldn't He be the One we lean on for...everything?

Now, I'm not saying that caffeine, movies, or medicine is bad in itself. But, what is your first turn? Is it to the natural, earthly realm or the All-Sufficient One?

Friends, this is something that I am learning and struggling through daily. The Lord is constantly opening my eyes to different areas of my life where I haven't been depending on Him fully.

A question that was posed at Ellerslie was this: If Jesus Christ were removed, how much of your life would stay the same? Are you so dependent upon Him that your life would completely fall apart...or...would your life look exactly the same?

You see, the fully dependent life is the life of Christ. In John 5:19, Jesus says, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner." And again, several verses later, "I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me." (John 5:30)

Jesus did nothing of Himself; He was completely dependent upon His Father. And if that's the case, why do we (as sinful human beings) think that we can spiritually survive by spending 15 minutes with Him in the morning? Oh my friends, may He teach us to walk in a state of utter dependence upon Him! He is our only source of life; without Him, we perish. And remember, we know that when we trust in Him, He will not fail us. He has promised and cannot lie. Therefore, have complete confidence in your God, knowing that the One you depend upon is the Faithful, All-Powerful Creator and Sustainer of the Universe! What a precious Savior we have!

“Are you resting and trusting in the sufficiency of Christ? Is Christ everything to you? If so, thank Him for his fullness. If not, perhaps you’ve been trusting in failing, deceptive, inept human wisdom; meaningless religious rituals; or some kind of mystical experience formed in your own mind and unrelated to reality. Maybe you’ve been thinking that your own self-denial or self-imposed pain will somehow gain favor with God. If that’s the case, put it all aside and in simple childlike faith embrace the risen Christ as your Lord and Savior. He will give you complete salvation, complete forgiveness, and complete victory. All you need in the spiritual dimension for time and eternity is found in Him. Repent of your sin and submit your life to Him.”

- John MacArthur

Up and Away...Almost

“We are here on this earth to know God intimately, fully, correctly, and contagiously; to house His holy person in our very bodies, allowing Him to showcase to the world around us His loving nature, His attitude, His thoughts, His emotions, and His actions through the way we live every moment of our lives.” 

~Eric Ludy

Two days, my friends...two days 'til I head off for Colorado!!!

Oh, there are so many emotions whirling around in me right now. In the months since I've known I was going to Ellerslie, I haven't been nervous at all until the past couple days. How do you pack for nine weeks away from home?! Well, I've been tackling this over the past week and finished today. It feels so good to be done. And yet, I feel like I'm forgetting something! Ah! I guess I'll figure it out when I get there. :) 

Because I've never been gone from home for so long, a part of me feels like I'm going away forever. During the past month or so, I've been trying to make special memories with each member of my family. It's been so good and my family and friends have blessed me in so many ways! It's going to (and has already been) SO hard to say goodbye to each of my precious friends and family members! 

Here are some pictures...

Dear, dear friends...no, honorary sisters! I'm going to miss them more than I can say!

Last weekend, Ari and I took my mom for a girls' night out. We went antique shopping and then watched a theater production in Sumner. So much fun! ♥

Love these kiddos! 

  

Ari and I always loved ice-skating, growing up. We hadn't been in years though, so it was so much fun to experience that again! Wonderful sister date!

Me and my little man! ♥

Another theater production (this time it was The Music Man) that I took Ari to. The actors and actresses were wonderful!

Yes, this was while I was packing. I think he wants to go too... ;-)


Well, my friends, I don't know when I'll be able to post again. In light of this, I want to leave you all with a song that's been an incredible blessing in my life recently. You know when you find a song that just seems to capture everything you want to say, but don't know how to say it? Maybe that description didn't make sense, but this song is my heart's cry bottled up into 5 1/2 minutes. It's so beautiful!

Praying that the Lord would do this work in my heart while at Ellerslie and continue it when I come home...



Only You, only You
All I need, let nothing stand
In between, make me Yours
Consuming fire

Only You, only You
All I need, let nothing stand
In between, make me Yours
Consuming fire

Burn away
Everything that breaks Your heart
Everything that is not love
Purify my every thought
Take away
Everything that comes between us
Everything that is untrue
Jesus make me more like You
Burn away

You are love, You are love
Blazing light, holy flame
Fierce and wild, have Your way
Consuming fire

Yes You are love, You are love
Blazing light, holy flame
Fierce and wild, have Your way
Consuming fire

Burn away
Everything that breaks Your heart
Everything that is not love
Purify my every thought
Take away
Everything that comes between us
Everything that is untrue
Jesus make me more like You

Make me holy, as You are holy
Refine me in your fire, oh God
Make me holy, as You are holy
In my life be glorified

Goodbye, dear friends! May the Lord be with you!

Announcement: Upcoming Adventure

I'm sorry to those of you who have already heard all of this from me. I know many of you already know, but I wanted to post an official "blog" announcement for those who haven't heard.

In February, I'll be attending Ellerslie's Basic Leadership Training.

What is Ellerslie?

Hmm...that's a difficult question to answer. It's unlike anything I've found elsewhere, so it's hard to relate it to something. Ellerslie is a set-apart place (school) to go and seek the Lord, dive into His Word, and be challenged to live a life of abandonment and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Below is a video from Ellerslie describing what they do and who they are, if you want to know more about it. It will make much more sense to hear it from them. :)

Ellerslie has been a dream of mine for the past several years. I've longed to go and prayed that the Lord would show me if that was His will. The Lord is so gracious and opened up the door for me to attend Ellerslie's Winter/Spring Semester this February. He has made my dream a reality; I can't believe that after all this waiting, wondering, and praying I'll be leaving in a month. How great is His love!

*Happy Sigh*

I am SO excited for my two months at Ellerslie. Two months to devote specifically to my Beloved. Two months to seek His face, draw closer to His heart, and fall more in love with Him and His Word!

Oh friends, I still see so much selfishness, pride, and inconsistency in my heart. There are so many things that distract me from my Lord! I am praying that my time at Ellerslie will be a season of great breaking and that it won't just be a season, but the beginning of a deeper surrender and more intimate relationship with my King! May He increase, as I decrease!


"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! …YOU drove them from me, YOU Who are the True, the Sovereign Joy drove them from me and took their place! …O Lord, my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation!"
–St. Augustine

Oh, that He would strip away all those "fruitless joys" from my life; that I would always see my Beloved as the Pearl of Great Price and Treasure of my heart. Praise Him that I can be assured He will finish what He has started in me! His grace is sufficient!

I hope and pray that these next several months will be a time of great growth, surrender, and joy in Christ for all of us! May we seek Him with everything that we are, whether at home or away, cleaning the house or reading the Word! He is worthy of everything we are and do!

Praise His matchless name!

Asking the Tough Questions- An Ellerslie Video

The Christian Thought Life

I listened to an incredible message this morning by Mr. Eric Ludy.

Here is a summary of the sermon from his site.

"Few of us were ever trained how to handle our thoughts. In fact, most of us have considered ourselves victims to the random, strange, perverted, and otherwise demonic thoughts that float through our minds. But that should halt today. The thought life of a Christian is not the playground for the enemy, but the stage upon which the Truth of Jesus Christ can shine. Jesus has given the saints of God everything they need in order to take command over their thought lives. The Christian is privileged to think on nothing but that which is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, virtuous, and of good report. "

This is a very powerful sermon and one that I needed to hear today! I encourage you to listen to it as well! You will be challenged! (Link below)
The Christian Thought Life - Eric Ludy