Expectant Joy

Happy New Year, friends! Anyone else out there still finding themselves writing 2015? It's okay. We'll get it...eventually. Maybe by 2017? ;)


A new year - a fresh canvas with endless possibilities.

Last year's canvas is a bit painful to look at. Yes, there are colorful splashes of exciting adventures, new seasons, and great blessings, but there's also more brush strokes of brokenness, confusion, and disappointment than I've seen in previous years.

At the beginning of 2015, I believed the Lord was leading me to focus on the word "trust" for the upcoming year. It makes me smile to think of it. He brought that up in far more ways than I could ever have imagined - or would have wanted to.

In the past few weeks, as I'd been pondering a new year and what it might hold, there was a sense of apprehension and fear. The Lord had allowed much of my beliefs to be upended in 2015. I thought He was working in a specific way, only to find out He was doing the opposite. A saying that a dear friend framed and gave to me as a gift, sums up what He was teaching me: "And if not, He is still good."

And He is good, friends. So good. Looking back at that dark time, I'm amazed at the patience and love He showed me, as I struggled through doubts and confusion and anger at His will.

He's brought me through, but it wasn't until I began to think about 2016 that I realized there were still some lies rooted in the deep, dark corners of my heart. Where was this fear and apprehension coming from? Why was I seemingly preparing myself for another year of pain and unanswered prayers? Why was I so negative about the future?

Even though I still believed that God is good and He causes all things to work together for my good and His glory, there was a little lie that said, "God might give good gifts to the rest of His children, but not to you. His good for you is pain and suffering." So as a result, I was expecting the worst.

Friends, that's a miserable way to live! It is definitely NOT walking in the hope and life of Christ! And what is hope but the confident expectation and assurance of God? Yes, sometimes His good comes in the form of a "no". It's what I've been calling His devastating grace.

But hope is based, not in what I am or am not getting from God, but in who He is and the unchanging nature of His character. And because of that, I can expect good from God in chaos, I can be confident that He's still working good in the shattered pieces.

Because His name is Faithful and True.

Because He is NOT cruel to His children. Ever.

Because He is a dearer Daddy than my mind can comprehend.

My word/phrase for this year is expectant joy. Purposeful, hope-filled, moment-by-moment joy and delight in Who He is and all that He's doing. Not seeking to rush ahead to when ____ happens, but living in grateful contentment right here, right now. Rejoicing because in His presence is fullness of joy, not a situation or a person or a specific season.

One definition of expectant is watchful, with bated breath. That's how I want to approach 2016. I have so much to learn in this area, so far to grow, but I pray that He would make me like the psalmist who said, "Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul." (Psalm 66:16) That as I go through this year, with all its uncertainties and questions, I would watch for the testimonies of grace and excitedly declare, "Look! There He is again! Look at what He's done! Isn't He good?"

In the pain. In the triumph. When He gives and when He takes away. Through the desert and through the mountains. When I can see the next mile ahead of me and when I can barely make out the next step.

I'm excited for 2016, friends, incredibly excited! I know the One who's promised to lead me by the hand every step of the way. Let's watch for His goodness together!

So, what about you? What has the Lord been laying on your heart for 2016? I would love to hear about it!

Ginosko ~ To Know Him

There's something sentimental about a new year. I don't know if it's the memories from the previous year or the expectations for a fresh, new one, but there is something exciting about New Year's Eve.

2014. What will the Lord do in the next twelve months?

At the beginning of each new year, I search the Scriptures and ask the Lord for a specific word or idea that He wants me to focus on in the next year. I've only done this for the past two years, but it's been so beautiful to see how He's used those words throughout that specific year. In 2012, it was His faithfulness. In 2013, it was His sufficiency. 

This year, it is ginosko. 

Ginosko is a Greek word in Scripture that means "to know." There are several other forms of the word "knowledge", but ginosko is the deepest, the most intimate. It is more than a simple head knowledge or mental assent; it is an experiential knowing of something or someone. 

About a month ago, I did a study for the word "know" throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, the Israelites were given the privilege to know about God and to know that He was Lord. To a select few, it was given the greater privilege of actually knowing Him personally. When I reached the New Testament, there was a change. Instead of just knowing about God, Jesus claimed to "ginosko" Him. He then promised that each and every one of His followers would ginosko Him as well.

There's a huge difference between the two. To give an example, it's like knowing about my future husband and then actually knowing who he is. If I just know about him, I can have an understanding that he'll be a man of God, pray that he would be surrendered to the Lord, and look forward to someday meeting him. But once I meet my husband and know him, I can do the things I only dreamed about before: spending time with him, observing his love for the Lord, and together surrendering ourselves to Him. There's an incredible difference between the two, isn't there? One is theoretical possibility, the other is experiential fact.

The Lord has been challenging my "knowledge" of Him recently. How often have I been content to know about Him, to learn about His holiness, His majesty, His grace, His love? Yes, knowing about Him is the first step to knowing Him. But how often have I stopped there? How often do I truly seek Him, with the goal of finding and knowing Him intimately? Do I pray for Him with the passion that Hannah did, "Give me a child, or I die," or am I content to linger through life with the knowledge I have of Him right now?

For, as I've searched through Scripture, I've learned that knowing Him personally is the prerequisite to following Him, obeying Him, and loving Him. When we know this God intimately, no act of obedience will be a sacrifice. Every step after Him, no matter if it's through the rolling hills or sunken valleys, will be mere joy..because we get Him! 

Jesus. Is He worth everything to you? 

It's like the illustration I gave earlier. If you told me that I was supposed to go around and tell everyone about my future husband and how great he was, I would have a real difficult time. Yes, I'm sure my husband will be wonderful, but why would I tell everyone about him? I don't have anything to base my words off of. I don't know him yet.

In the same way, when we come across commands in Scripture like "Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations" or "Take up your cross daily and follow me," they seem burdensome and oppressive...unless we know Him. We could obey, but it wouldn't come from a joy-filled love of Him. It would simply be a duty. 

"...I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings.." (Philippians 3:8-10) Paul had caught a glimpse of the Treasure of Christ; He was willing to lose everything so that He might know and gain Him! 

As I look back at 2013, I'm ashamed at the times when I allowed obedience to be a duty, because I was too lazy to pursue Him. Lazy to pursue Him?! Think of it! We have been given the gift of knowing and loving Jesus, the Lord and Ruler of the Universe! How could I ever grow tired of that?

“So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord.

His going forth is as certain as the dawn;

And He will come to us like the rain,

Like the spring rain watering the earth.”
Hosea 6:3

May we press on to ginosko Him this year, friends! May we not grow weary of such a blessed occupation! For truly, there is no greater joy!  

"All I once held dear, built my life upon

all this world reveres and wars to own,

all I once thought gain I have counted loss,

spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You.

There is no greater thing.

You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy,

my righteousness; and I love You, Lord."

Pistikos Nardos - A Poem

Oh Jesus Christ, my Savior

bring Your fire, bring Your rain.

Burn away the dross of self-life,

'til Your life alone remains.

I want nothing more, oh Jesus

than to have a single eye.

Looking always for Your smile;

Your desire, my delight.

But how oft I am distracted;

pulled away by worthless things.

I grieve and spit upon the face

that bled and died for me!

So captivate me Jesus!

Make me ever, only Yours!

I am nothing on my own, Lord

come and take Your rightful throne.

I surrender all to Thee, O Christ;

my life is not my own.

My eyes, my mouth, my hands, my feet

are now, oh Jesus, Yours!

Burden me, Beloved King

to feel Your anguished heart.

Cleave my hand to the spiritual sword

for the voiceless one in dark.

Ever, onward, upward

soldier, will you now repine?

Your loving Savior grants you

grace sufficient for the fight.

May the cross be e'er before me,

leaving all to follow Thee.

For the Lamb alone is worthy!

May the world see Him in me.

~MJ

Home Again!

Sunrise at Ellerslie

Hello again, friends! How have you all been over the past three months?

It feels strange to be posting on my blog, after such a long time away. I'm excited to begin writing on a regular basis again, and look forward to what the Lord has planned for this little blog. He is so worthy!

Ah, my dear reader, how do I begin to explain my time at Ellerslie? I've been home for nearly a month now (which is incredibly hard to believe!) and still find it difficult to answer people who ask about it.

The hardest question of all is probably, "So, what did you learn?" What did I learn in nine weeks? How am I supposed to answer that in a couple sentences? I'm still trying to figure that out...  =)

But, for now, this would be my answer.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by everything the Lord convicted me of, uncovered, and taught me during my nine weeks at Ellerslie. Like Ephesians 3:20 talks about, my precious Savior did so much more than I had asked or imagined. Being surrounded by men and women seeking hard after Jesus Christ and immersed in the Truth of His Word day in and day out were both such incredible blessings! It was truly a piece of heaven on earth.

But, the thing that was the most precious of all was time spent alone with my Savior. Being able to bask in His presence without interruption. Learning to wait upon Him and walk with Him throughout the day. Understanding that my life is nothing, but His is everything. Beginning to grasp the reality of what it means to be "in Christ". Sitting at His feet and gazing on my Beloved's face! Oh, words cannot describe what a remarkable blessing those nine weeks were...what a remarkable blessing they were because of the One who was there. Words simply fall short.

Though there were many truths the Lord implanted into my heart, the main, over-arching theme of those nine weeks was His All-Sufficiency. It seems simple, doesn't it? But do you understand how inclusive the word all is? I didn't until the Lord began opening my eyes to this. Even though the Lord had given 2 Corinthians 12:9 as my theme verse for the year, He truly impressed those four powerful words upon my soul, as He started teaching me what it means to depend upon Him for everything.

"My grace is sufficient.."

Do you see Him, friends? Do you realize that at every moment of the day, in every temptation, every difficult moment, every trial, He is sufficient? It's easy to say, but it's another thing to live by.

We live in a culture with a cure for everything. Are you tired? Try caffeine. Weighed down with the cares of life? Go relax with a movie. Struggling to get out of bed in the morning? Take anti-depressants.

Is this the way we've been called to live, as followers of Jesus Christ? Are we to look to Jesus just during devotions in the morning, but then depend upon something else for everything you need during the rest of the day? If He is the Sufficient One, shouldn't He be the One we lean on for...everything?

Now, I'm not saying that caffeine, movies, or medicine is bad in itself. But, what is your first turn? Is it to the natural, earthly realm or the All-Sufficient One?

Friends, this is something that I am learning and struggling through daily. The Lord is constantly opening my eyes to different areas of my life where I haven't been depending on Him fully.

A question that was posed at Ellerslie was this: If Jesus Christ were removed, how much of your life would stay the same? Are you so dependent upon Him that your life would completely fall apart...or...would your life look exactly the same?

You see, the fully dependent life is the life of Christ. In John 5:19, Jesus says, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner." And again, several verses later, "I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me." (John 5:30)

Jesus did nothing of Himself; He was completely dependent upon His Father. And if that's the case, why do we (as sinful human beings) think that we can spiritually survive by spending 15 minutes with Him in the morning? Oh my friends, may He teach us to walk in a state of utter dependence upon Him! He is our only source of life; without Him, we perish. And remember, we know that when we trust in Him, He will not fail us. He has promised and cannot lie. Therefore, have complete confidence in your God, knowing that the One you depend upon is the Faithful, All-Powerful Creator and Sustainer of the Universe! What a precious Savior we have!

“Are you resting and trusting in the sufficiency of Christ? Is Christ everything to you? If so, thank Him for his fullness. If not, perhaps you’ve been trusting in failing, deceptive, inept human wisdom; meaningless religious rituals; or some kind of mystical experience formed in your own mind and unrelated to reality. Maybe you’ve been thinking that your own self-denial or self-imposed pain will somehow gain favor with God. If that’s the case, put it all aside and in simple childlike faith embrace the risen Christ as your Lord and Savior. He will give you complete salvation, complete forgiveness, and complete victory. All you need in the spiritual dimension for time and eternity is found in Him. Repent of your sin and submit your life to Him.”

- John MacArthur

Our Patient Father

May this be an encouragement to your soul today...

"In some sense, the path to heaven is very safe, but in other respects there is no road so dangerous. In the best roads we soon falter, in the smoothest paths we quickly stumble. These feeble knees of ours can scarcely support our tottering weight. A straw may throw us and a pebble may wound us; we are mere children tremblingly taking our first steps in the walk of faith. Our Heavenly Father holds us by the arms or we should soon be down. Oh, if we are kept from falling, how must we bless the patient power which watches over us day by day! Think, how prone we are to sin, how apt to choose danger, how strong our tendency to cast ourselves down, and these reflections will make us sing more sweetly than we've ever done, 'Glory be to Him, who is able to keep us from falling!'"

~Charles Spurgeon

Announcement: Upcoming Adventure

I'm sorry to those of you who have already heard all of this from me. I know many of you already know, but I wanted to post an official "blog" announcement for those who haven't heard.

In February, I'll be attending Ellerslie's Basic Leadership Training.

What is Ellerslie?

Hmm...that's a difficult question to answer. It's unlike anything I've found elsewhere, so it's hard to relate it to something. Ellerslie is a set-apart place (school) to go and seek the Lord, dive into His Word, and be challenged to live a life of abandonment and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Below is a video from Ellerslie describing what they do and who they are, if you want to know more about it. It will make much more sense to hear it from them. :)

Ellerslie has been a dream of mine for the past several years. I've longed to go and prayed that the Lord would show me if that was His will. The Lord is so gracious and opened up the door for me to attend Ellerslie's Winter/Spring Semester this February. He has made my dream a reality; I can't believe that after all this waiting, wondering, and praying I'll be leaving in a month. How great is His love!

*Happy Sigh*

I am SO excited for my two months at Ellerslie. Two months to devote specifically to my Beloved. Two months to seek His face, draw closer to His heart, and fall more in love with Him and His Word!

Oh friends, I still see so much selfishness, pride, and inconsistency in my heart. There are so many things that distract me from my Lord! I am praying that my time at Ellerslie will be a season of great breaking and that it won't just be a season, but the beginning of a deeper surrender and more intimate relationship with my King! May He increase, as I decrease!


"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! …YOU drove them from me, YOU Who are the True, the Sovereign Joy drove them from me and took their place! …O Lord, my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation!"
–St. Augustine

Oh, that He would strip away all those "fruitless joys" from my life; that I would always see my Beloved as the Pearl of Great Price and Treasure of my heart. Praise Him that I can be assured He will finish what He has started in me! His grace is sufficient!

I hope and pray that these next several months will be a time of great growth, surrender, and joy in Christ for all of us! May we seek Him with everything that we are, whether at home or away, cleaning the house or reading the Word! He is worthy of everything we are and do!

Praise His matchless name!

Joyful Obedience

 

Ah, yes...joyful obedience. That is the title of this post, but it is this very attitude that I've been struggling to give the Lord recently.

Can anyone out there relate?

Oh, it's a struggle, such a struggle! So many times, I know the Lord is calling me to do something. But, what do I do? I sit there, grumbling and arguing with my conscience, trying to think of some excuse that would be reasonable enough to disobey my Lord. (Is disobedience ever reasonable or excusable?)

Now, it's not that I never want to obey the Lord. The cry and passion of my heart is to obey Him. And yet, I still see so many little areas in my life where I exemplify grumbling or foot-dragging obedience. I remind myself of a toddler so often; arguing and fighting when my Father asks something of me, instead of immediately obeying with a joyful attitude.

But then, I am reminded of verses like Philippians 2:5-11...

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Christ, our Ultimate Example. The Lord Himself was obedient to His Father and joyfully submitted Himself to His will. Did Christ complain when the soldiers mercilessly flogged Him to a pulp? Was He seeking a way of escape when they threw His open body upon a cross, nailed His wrists to the planks of wood, and He bore the wrath of Almighty God? How many times did Jesus argue with His Heavenly Father before He gave into submission? Not once.

What was our Lord's prayer in the garden? "Not my will, but Yours be done."

Open hands. A willing heart. Surrender to the will of God.

I need these attitudes, long for them, am praying for them. But oh, it is so hard. That struggle with the flesh is so continual, so tiring at times. It is during these times of struggling that I need to remember to rest, in Him and in His Word.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Praise the Lord that He has gone ahead of us and has paid our way, won the ultimate victory, and given us an example to follow. "Consider Him....so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Let us consider Him, my friends, as we run this race together. We do not run it alone, for the Lord is the One who gives us the strength to press on. May we rest in Him, knowing that He is faithful and is continually sanctifying us ever more into His precious image. Oh, I pray that we would have open hands and a joyful heart, ready to serve and obey our great God in whatever He might be calling us to.

And may He give us the grace to say, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)

Would You Consent?

                                 

While perusing through Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper yesterday, I came across a beautiful quotation. It was written by Adoniram Judson, who after courting a certain Ann Hasseltine (who would later become his wife), wrote the following letter to her father.

"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with you daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of Him who left His heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"
~Adoniram Judson

Both Adoniram and Ann Judson understood and accepted the cost of following Christ, wherever He might lead, whatever it might include.

Do I?

If the Lord invited me to journey with Him, leaving friends and family, the comforts of home, and the promise of safety, would I willingly accept? Do I have such a high view of God and a fervent desire to see His name exalted among the nations that no sacrifice would be too high?

May the Lord grow a willing heart of faith within each one of us, for His glory and the furtherance of His precious kingdom!