The Day God was Silent

It's Saturday. The Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.

The day we kinda just want to skip over. The day when Jesus was dead. In the grave. Gone. I mean, what is there to celebrate today?

Yeah, I know. This whole weekend is a celebration of the Resurrection. But put yourself in the disciple's shoes. They didn't know the end of the story. They didn't have the cheat sheet. All they knew was pain.

Saturday was the day God was silent. 

When death reigned and darkness seemed to have the upper hand.

When shattered hearts wept for their Messiah with no hope, no light, and no answers.

When confusion hammered into the foundation of belief and doubt clouded firm conviction.

Jesus was dead. And with Him, every hope that He was the One He claimed to be. What now? How could He be dead? I thought He was the answer. Where was God? Why would He allow His Son to be killed?

But why should we ponder all of this? Why does Saturday even matter to us?

Because we need to remember this in our "Saturday seasons". 

When tragedy strikes and the pain is suffocating.

When our faith is shattered and we turn to God with clenched fists and scream, "I thought you promised!"

When the unknowns are more numerous than the answers and Heaven appears to watch in silence.

It's in those moments, we need to be reminded. That this is NOT THE END of the story. Did you hear me, friend? This is only Saturday! Don't lose hope. Hold on to your God. Flood your heart with His promises. Trust, even in the silence, and know that He is working behind the scenes, unawares, and unseen.

Hold on. Because Resurrection Sunday is coming. 

He is not a passive God. His love is not cruel or unjust. He is using the pain and frustration and confusion of this season to grow and strengthen and mature you in ways He couldn't in the easy. And His love will not stay silent forever.

He is coming, dear one. In His time, He will wipe away your tears and bring healing to your heart. He will provide the answers. Fulfill the promise. Burst through the darkness with His victorious light.

And that's something to celebrate. Even on Saturday...

Expectant Joy

Happy New Year, friends! Anyone else out there still finding themselves writing 2015? It's okay. We'll get it...eventually. Maybe by 2017? ;)


A new year - a fresh canvas with endless possibilities.

Last year's canvas is a bit painful to look at. Yes, there are colorful splashes of exciting adventures, new seasons, and great blessings, but there's also more brush strokes of brokenness, confusion, and disappointment than I've seen in previous years.

At the beginning of 2015, I believed the Lord was leading me to focus on the word "trust" for the upcoming year. It makes me smile to think of it. He brought that up in far more ways than I could ever have imagined - or would have wanted to.

In the past few weeks, as I'd been pondering a new year and what it might hold, there was a sense of apprehension and fear. The Lord had allowed much of my beliefs to be upended in 2015. I thought He was working in a specific way, only to find out He was doing the opposite. A saying that a dear friend framed and gave to me as a gift, sums up what He was teaching me: "And if not, He is still good."

And He is good, friends. So good. Looking back at that dark time, I'm amazed at the patience and love He showed me, as I struggled through doubts and confusion and anger at His will.

He's brought me through, but it wasn't until I began to think about 2016 that I realized there were still some lies rooted in the deep, dark corners of my heart. Where was this fear and apprehension coming from? Why was I seemingly preparing myself for another year of pain and unanswered prayers? Why was I so negative about the future?

Even though I still believed that God is good and He causes all things to work together for my good and His glory, there was a little lie that said, "God might give good gifts to the rest of His children, but not to you. His good for you is pain and suffering." So as a result, I was expecting the worst.

Friends, that's a miserable way to live! It is definitely NOT walking in the hope and life of Christ! And what is hope but the confident expectation and assurance of God? Yes, sometimes His good comes in the form of a "no". It's what I've been calling His devastating grace.

But hope is based, not in what I am or am not getting from God, but in who He is and the unchanging nature of His character. And because of that, I can expect good from God in chaos, I can be confident that He's still working good in the shattered pieces.

Because His name is Faithful and True.

Because He is NOT cruel to His children. Ever.

Because He is a dearer Daddy than my mind can comprehend.

My word/phrase for this year is expectant joy. Purposeful, hope-filled, moment-by-moment joy and delight in Who He is and all that He's doing. Not seeking to rush ahead to when ____ happens, but living in grateful contentment right here, right now. Rejoicing because in His presence is fullness of joy, not a situation or a person or a specific season.

One definition of expectant is watchful, with bated breath. That's how I want to approach 2016. I have so much to learn in this area, so far to grow, but I pray that He would make me like the psalmist who said, "Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul." (Psalm 66:16) That as I go through this year, with all its uncertainties and questions, I would watch for the testimonies of grace and excitedly declare, "Look! There He is again! Look at what He's done! Isn't He good?"

In the pain. In the triumph. When He gives and when He takes away. Through the desert and through the mountains. When I can see the next mile ahead of me and when I can barely make out the next step.

I'm excited for 2016, friends, incredibly excited! I know the One who's promised to lead me by the hand every step of the way. Let's watch for His goodness together!

So, what about you? What has the Lord been laying on your heart for 2016? I would love to hear about it!

To the Weary Heart

The word "wait" is a term scattered all throughout Scripture. In Psalm 37, the Hebrew word "chuwl" is translated as "wait patiently". Yet, when I studied this word deeper, the definition confused me.

Chuwl- to dance, writhe in pain or fear, tremble, travail, hope, be in anguish, rest, fall grievously, trust, be wounded

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a

How could one word have such differing definitions? Dance and tremble? Writhe and hope? Trust and fall grievously? They seemed a contradiction. 

As I sought the Lord on this though, a beautiful picture came to mind. How many times is waiting an easy thing to do? How many times does that patient rest come as a result of surrender, even a tear-filled, heart-wrenching surrender? The Lord allows suffering in the life of His child to conform us into His image. As Charles Spurgeon once said, "Our Master's experience teaches us that suffering is necessary, and the true-born child of God must not, would not, escape it if he might. The jewels of a Christian are his afflictions. The regalia of the kings whom God hath anointed are their troubles, their sorrows, and their griefs. Let us not, therefore, shun being honoured."

O weary believer, would you glorify the Lord during this season of trouble, confusion, or pain? Then, wait patiently for Him. Hope, despite your trembling soul. Dance, in spite of your grievous fall. Trust, regardless of your anguished, wounded heart. For when our hearts are broken and we do not understand the Lord's ways, it is then He is able to teach us to cling to Him in a way we had never known before. 

This has been the path that the Lord has been leading me on these past four months: a season of waiting on Him, even when the road ahead is unclear or painful. The following quote has been a precious encouragement of late.

"Thou, Lord, bruisest me; but I am abundantly satisfied, since it is from Thy hand.” John Calvin

Oh, to be abundantly satisfied with His ways, even when they do not align with my own! I long for His will to be mine, that I would never doubt His goodness! And oh friends, how truly good He is! He has shown Himself so faithful over the past couple months, always near to still my restless soul. Troubled heart, your God will not forsake you! His ways are best; know that they are far greater than you could ever imagine! Even when the pain is overwhelming and your heart is left aching and bruised, trust Him. He is sovereign over all and will lead you through. 

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path." Psalm 142:3a

Dear reader, He knows your path. Whatever you're struggling through right now, He knows...and His almighty arms are upholding you through it all. Turn to Him, trust in Him, and find rest in His unchanging promises. Has He ever failed you before? He will not start now. 

Faithful

Today marks the one week time limit before we have to be out of our current rental. One week.....and we don't know where we're going.

Depending on how well you know my family and our story, you are either thinking, "Oh my goodness! What are they thinking?!" or "Oh ya. That's always how it is with their family."

Many of our past moves have been trials of faith. It seems like the Lord loves to bring us right to the last hour and then show us the next step. Or in this case, the week before. Times like these bring up to the surface our true attitude toward the Lord.

Yes, it is confusing at times, it is hard. During these times, I often feel like David when he said, "To You, O Lord, I call; my rock, do not be deaf to me...Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You for help, when I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary." (Psalm 28:1-2)

Each move, each test of faith, is an opportunity to learn to trust Him more. And yet, so often when it gets down to "crunch time", we start to worry or grow anxious about the Lord showing us where to go. In those times, we're reminded why the Lord continues to bring us through this same thing over and over again...we are so quick to forget the lesson He just taught us.

This morning, I was reflecting on the Lord's faithfulness during times when it seems like He is absent, and was reminded of these precious verses from Isaiah 43:

"But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."

What a blessed promise to know that our God is with us, bringing us through the trial every step of the way.

"But Makenna, why doesn't the Lord just show you? Why is the Lord not listening to your prayers?"

Those are questions I can't answer, except that by not showing us until the last minute, He is receiving more glory, somehow. At the end of each move, I'm reminded of the song Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns. Here are some of the lyrics.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm


Over the past couple weeks, I have been convicted of wanting the Lord's will in my timing. By His grace, my prayer has changed from "Lord, please show us a house now" to "Lord, show us a house in your perfect time". Yes, we still desire to know soon and we are still looking at houses, but God's timing is perfect and He is faithful, no matter the circumstance.

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord. I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand." (Psalm 31:14-15a)

"You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. 'I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.'"(Psalm 32:7-8)

"'Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" (Isaiah 41:10)

The Lord will provide for us, even if it's not how we would think or hope. He will strengthen us, as He upholds us with His hand. We do need your prayers though. Please pray for us, that the Lord would give us the faith to trust Him and the strength to praise Him. Thank you so much!