To the Weary Heart

The word "wait" is a term scattered all throughout Scripture. In Psalm 37, the Hebrew word "chuwl" is translated as "wait patiently". Yet, when I studied this word deeper, the definition confused me.

Chuwl- to dance, writhe in pain or fear, tremble, travail, hope, be in anguish, rest, fall grievously, trust, be wounded

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a

How could one word have such differing definitions? Dance and tremble? Writhe and hope? Trust and fall grievously? They seemed a contradiction. 

As I sought the Lord on this though, a beautiful picture came to mind. How many times is waiting an easy thing to do? How many times does that patient rest come as a result of surrender, even a tear-filled, heart-wrenching surrender? The Lord allows suffering in the life of His child to conform us into His image. As Charles Spurgeon once said, "Our Master's experience teaches us that suffering is necessary, and the true-born child of God must not, would not, escape it if he might. The jewels of a Christian are his afflictions. The regalia of the kings whom God hath anointed are their troubles, their sorrows, and their griefs. Let us not, therefore, shun being honoured."

O weary believer, would you glorify the Lord during this season of trouble, confusion, or pain? Then, wait patiently for Him. Hope, despite your trembling soul. Dance, in spite of your grievous fall. Trust, regardless of your anguished, wounded heart. For when our hearts are broken and we do not understand the Lord's ways, it is then He is able to teach us to cling to Him in a way we had never known before. 

This has been the path that the Lord has been leading me on these past four months: a season of waiting on Him, even when the road ahead is unclear or painful. The following quote has been a precious encouragement of late.

"Thou, Lord, bruisest me; but I am abundantly satisfied, since it is from Thy hand.” John Calvin

Oh, to be abundantly satisfied with His ways, even when they do not align with my own! I long for His will to be mine, that I would never doubt His goodness! And oh friends, how truly good He is! He has shown Himself so faithful over the past couple months, always near to still my restless soul. Troubled heart, your God will not forsake you! His ways are best; know that they are far greater than you could ever imagine! Even when the pain is overwhelming and your heart is left aching and bruised, trust Him. He is sovereign over all and will lead you through. 

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path." Psalm 142:3a

Dear reader, He knows your path. Whatever you're struggling through right now, He knows...and His almighty arms are upholding you through it all. Turn to Him, trust in Him, and find rest in His unchanging promises. Has He ever failed you before? He will not start now. 

Worth Waiting For

I absolutely love fall.

There's something about that "smell" in the air that is simply delightful!

Every time October rolls around and the leaves begin changing colors, everything becomes pumpkin-flavored, and the scarves come out of the closet, my heart leaps for joy at the new season!

This year was no different. But for some reason, there was something else that changed this fall. Something else was in the air, besides that fall aroma. At least for everyone around me, it seemed like "love" was in the air.

Out of nowhere, many of my friends have started courting/dating, are in a serious relationship, or are engaged. Facebook has never been so full of relationship statuses. And for the first time, people younger than me are getting married. What happened?

Maybe it's just that I'm finally beginning to reach that "marriageable" age. Or maybe it's just that most of my friends have reached it. :) Either way, there's a great tendency to look around and become dissatisfied.

Why am I the only single person here? Sometimes, it just seems hard to wait. For those of you who are older than me and are still single, I understand that you probably think me naive...or hopelessly romantic. But truly. When I look around at many of my friends and see them with their "special someones", there's a yearning for someone to love, cherish, and grow old with.

I have been praying about this lately; praying that the Lord would allow me to rejoice with those who have been gifted with a relationship/fiance/spouse, but to remain satisfied and overjoyed in my Love. And oh friends, how He satisfies! I know I have said this before, but truly there is no one like Him!

The other day, the Lord put several questions to my soul. I had been pondering the joys and blessings of marriage in the lives of my parents and other godly men and women and how wonderful it would be to experience that unity.

But then, the Lord challenged my heart, "What is the purpose of marriage, dear one?"

"To bring You glory, by showing the world a picture of the selfless love and union between Christ and His Bride."

"So then," came another question, "are you willing to joyfully wait until I will be more glorified in your marriage than in your singleness?"

Joyfully wait. That's the hard part sometimes. It's easy to say the right thing. To answer the "relationship status question" with the fact that you're waiting on the Lord to bring along your spouse in His perfect timing. But am I living like I believe this? Or would I dare to argue that right now is His perfect timing, that He would certainly be more glorified if He just brought along my "someone" today.

I know we probably wouldn't admit to this form of thinking, but that's how we often act....or at least how I know I've acted in the past. Do I believe my God is able to bring my spouse and I together at the right time? Then, why would I give into temptation by worrying over it? More importantly, why would I give in to unbelief by living discontentedly? Yes, His timing will probably look different than mine. He could see fit to bring my husband and I together in 6 months or in 10 years. But am I willing to wait, joyfully and contentedly wait...so that He might be glorified?

Because truly, marriage is not the "end-all". He alone is worth living and dying for. So, whether or not He brings along a spouse is not the great concern. It is His glory and His name that is to be sought after and lifted high. Not marriage. Not a relationship. But Him. That's why I must be willing to let go of any dream or desire that is not in alignment with His will. Today, it is not His will for me to be in a relationship. Praise Jesus! I am blessed with Him and Him alone today! He satisfies more than any love story could. In Psalm 16:11 King David said, "You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

One more thought. Am I willing to pray that He will not bring my spouse and I together until our relationship will cause us to seek and love Him more? That's a daring prayer. I have seen so many relationships, even "Christian" relationships, in which the young man and woman become so captivated by each other that they lose their zeal and passion for Jesus Christ. But I have seen a few, a select few, where their relationship causes them to fall in love with Jesus even more than they did before. And not only that, but their God-written love story causes others to seek, love, and adore Him more because of it.

That's what I desire in a relationship. And that's worth waiting for.

When Plans Fail

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

When I came back from Ellerslie in April, I longed to go back for the Advanced Ellerslie Training course. It was about 10 months long, which seemed like a perfect time. Still pretty long but not too long. The course sounded absolutely wonderful and I believed the Lord was leading me to pursue it for the Spring of 2014.

So, I began working as a part-time nanny and raising money for Advanced. I had my plans (which I truly thought were from the Lord), but all of that has suddenly changed.

I just found out recently that Ellerslie is changing their Advanced program. Because of all the changes (they're wonderful changes, just different than what my plans were), I don't know if the Lord is calling me to go back to Ellerslie. I don't know where the Lord has me next year (He certainly could lead me to Ellerslie), but essentially, I'm back to square one: the unknown.

If you know my family's story (the Lord's leading in all of our moves), then you know how often we were faced with the unknown of where to live, what the future held, etc. And because the Lord had led us through those situations so often, there was a part of me that believed I had the whole "trusting in the Lord" lesson learned. Oh, how prideful! How foolish!

And praise Jesus, He has taken the blinders off my eyes! By removing all my former plans for next year, I was faced with the unknown again. With all my neat, little ideas gone, would I gladly trust and follow Him? What if He chose not to show me what next year holds...until next year?

These are questions the Lord has been bringing to the surface over the past couple days. And He has been so faithful to lead me back to Himself! Yes, is it easier to have the next year figured out, but there is such joy and beauty in learning to let go of "my desires and plans". For in the unknown, I am pushed to learn a greater dependence on Him. Praise the Lord for the precious, little ways that He continues to break us of ourself and turn our eyes to Him! 

I also love the timing of all of this. The Lord so perfectly chose to remove all of my plans, right before my family's vacation back to Michigan. Even though I hadn't blatantly said this, I was excited by the idea of knowing exactly what to say when all of my old friends and family ask me what my plans are. How self-reliant I still am! Jesus, save me from myself! I wanted to have a pretty "normal" answer to give to everyone, not the "I don't know, I'm just waiting on the Lord" answer that I've always had. But, why? Why would I want to remove the ability to proclaim my absolute need of and dependence on Him? To make myself look better? The Lord knows I need to be broken of that mindset as well! How gracious He is!

So friends, if any of you are wondering, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing in the next year. And I am so excited about that! Today, I am looking to Jesus. In His perfect time, He will show me the next step. What a sweet Savior we have!

Announcement: Upcoming Adventure

I'm sorry to those of you who have already heard all of this from me. I know many of you already know, but I wanted to post an official "blog" announcement for those who haven't heard.

In February, I'll be attending Ellerslie's Basic Leadership Training.

What is Ellerslie?

Hmm...that's a difficult question to answer. It's unlike anything I've found elsewhere, so it's hard to relate it to something. Ellerslie is a set-apart place (school) to go and seek the Lord, dive into His Word, and be challenged to live a life of abandonment and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Below is a video from Ellerslie describing what they do and who they are, if you want to know more about it. It will make much more sense to hear it from them. :)

Ellerslie has been a dream of mine for the past several years. I've longed to go and prayed that the Lord would show me if that was His will. The Lord is so gracious and opened up the door for me to attend Ellerslie's Winter/Spring Semester this February. He has made my dream a reality; I can't believe that after all this waiting, wondering, and praying I'll be leaving in a month. How great is His love!

*Happy Sigh*

I am SO excited for my two months at Ellerslie. Two months to devote specifically to my Beloved. Two months to seek His face, draw closer to His heart, and fall more in love with Him and His Word!

Oh friends, I still see so much selfishness, pride, and inconsistency in my heart. There are so many things that distract me from my Lord! I am praying that my time at Ellerslie will be a season of great breaking and that it won't just be a season, but the beginning of a deeper surrender and more intimate relationship with my King! May He increase, as I decrease!


"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! …YOU drove them from me, YOU Who are the True, the Sovereign Joy drove them from me and took their place! …O Lord, my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation!"
–St. Augustine

Oh, that He would strip away all those "fruitless joys" from my life; that I would always see my Beloved as the Pearl of Great Price and Treasure of my heart. Praise Him that I can be assured He will finish what He has started in me! His grace is sufficient!

I hope and pray that these next several months will be a time of great growth, surrender, and joy in Christ for all of us! May we seek Him with everything that we are, whether at home or away, cleaning the house or reading the Word! He is worthy of everything we are and do!

Praise His matchless name!

He is Faithful...Always Faithful!

December 31, 2012.

It feels like just yesterday that I was looking forward to the new year of 2012...and now it's already over! How this year has flown by!

Photo Credit: Keilah Engstrom of Vanilla Bean Photography

 This was a wonderful year, filled with so many blessings from the Lord: 

Conner's adoption, 

fun times with friends, 

laughter with my family, 

meeting new people, 

starting up a ministry campaign,  

drawing closer to the Lord, 

getting my license, 

making incredible memories, 

and the list could go on and on. 

Praise the Lord for all He has done!

Some of the greatest blessings though are the trials that the Lord has brought me through.Yes, they have been extremely painful, but the Lord has proved Himself faithful in every situation! Praise His matchless name!

About a month or two ago, I heard a song that has become my "theme song" for this year. It is so beautiful and brings me to tears, realizing how gracious my Savior has been! Through the journey of this past year, He has never left me alone! Oh, there is no one like my Beloved!

Looking ahead to a new year, there are always uncertainties and questions. But, as His children, we can rest in the gentle arms of our Shepherd, knowing that His ways are perfect; whatever happens, we are called to praise and trust in Him.

The following quote is my prayer for 2013....

"May not a single moment of my life be spent outside the light, love and joy of God's presence and not a moment without the entire surrender of myself as a vessel for Him to fill full of His Spirit and His love." Andrew Murray

Happy New Year, my friends, and may 2013 find each of us drawing closer and pressing deeper into Christ! 

When You Want to Die for Christ, But He Won't Let You

 My mom shared the following blogpost with me tonight, which was written by C Michael Patton at Credo House Ministries. I thought it was so beautiful that I had to share it with you all. Enjoy and may it drive you to Christ!

When You Want to Die for Christ, But He Won't Let You ~

You know what it feels like: you are on fire; you are ready, willing and able; you don’t need any more sermons on Rom 12:1. You are a living sacrifice. You have read Radical. You have read Crazy Love. You are ready to die. You are ready to die for Christ, the Gospel and whatever other mission God puts you on.

Wherever, whatever, however God, I am ready to sacrifice it all.

Problem: there is no altar. Well, not like you thought. If it exists, it does not exist in the glory of your perceptions. You pray continually for God to show you his direction. There has to be a place for me in His army.

Here’s what you do:

You decide to become a missionary. You talk to your wife and your family about quitting your job and becoming a full time missionary in Africa. Why Africa? Just because. You wife thinks you are nuts and your children don’t understand. All attempts to infect her with the desire to die have the opposite effect. But you are not about to question your calling. In your spiritual high, you place some distance between you and your family, believing that it is the Lord’s will. Discouragement has yet to set in.

Or maybe . . .

You decide to start a church. Your passions will be realized as you minister in your local community, transforming all those around you with the preaching—expository preaching—of the word of God. You are sick of the churches that would not know the Gospel if it hit them in the knee cap. You are going to be the lighthouse on a hill. You don’t really know what to do so you get on Microsoft Word and make a flier. You put a nice Bible graphic that you found from Google image search on the flier, along with the announcement of the new Bible study that is going to be held at your friend’s coffee shop.

The day comes. Hundreds of fliers have been handed out. Two people show. One is your wife. The other is a nice young girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and had nothing else to do that night. It’s past time for the Bible study to start and you look outside in hopes that someone else will show. Someone pulls up and leaves upon the realization that they might be the only ones there. You attempt to teach the Bible study, but the disappointment of teaching two people when you hoped for 30 to 40 takes the wind out of your sails. All you want to do is go home and cry.

Or maybe . . .

You decide to go to seminary, but don’t get accepted.

Or maybe . . .

You start with a small missions endeavor, but you don’t get the funds.

Or maybe . . .

You go to your pastor and tell him you will serve wherever, but, not only is he not as excited about your prospective involvement as you thought he would be, there is nothing for you to do. He says he will call you if something comes up. Nothing ever comes up.

Or maybe . . .

You start with a bang, but then it fizzles and no one is as anxious and excited as you are. You feel let down and discouraged.

What do you do when you try . . . I mean really try to die for Christ, but he won’t let you. What do you do when you are on the altar and you don’t die, but your are getting really sunburned?

This is to those of you who feel called to do something big for the Lord, but it never happens.

Don’t give up your zeal.  The first two illustrations given above are round about reenactments of my life. Someone has once said that the Christian life is a life of starting over—every morning! Don’t let let-downs discourage you. You may be let down, but God has not set you down. Remember, he is not setting you on a 100 meter dash, but on a long distance run—a long distance run. I love new Christians who are set on giving their lives up for the Lord. But I am so saddened when I see those who had such a zeal reenter their old life with great discouragement, wondering why the Lord did not use them. God will use you. God is using you. But he does not carve out flashes in the pan. He creates endurance. I know . . . He does not move as quickly as we like. Keep the zeal and passion, but let the Lord set the pace. This is the hardest thing to do.


Ministry is not the de facto solution to satisfy your intense craving to die for the Lord. Remember, you are a living sacrifice. A living sacrifice. Don’t be surprised if you live! Don’t be surprised if you live a life that is rather ordinary, not making a significant impact every direction you turn. Don’t impose such a goal upon the Lord. Remember Abraham? What the heck was so great about his life? I don’t know that he ever held a great evangelistic crusade. He never traveled all over the world with nothing but his Bible. He never wrote any books. He did not pastor a church. He did not even start a blog. From what I read about him, if it weren’t for the Bible and God’s testimony about him, he would have never made much of a footprint in the world. Or, better, we would not have recognized the footprint he did make. Why then is he so great? Because he was a friend of God. He trusted him. Everyday, he believed God. He endured quietly.
Sometimes being a living sacrifice is just quietly trusting the Lord.

Be quiet and tranquil. The Lord will show your path in your tranquility. Paul tells the Thessalonians to “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands” (1Th 4:11). Ouch. But impacts are never “quiet.” I want to make an impact. I want to stir things up. I want to drop a bomb on the world leaving behind the sign of the Trinity! The problem is that your bomb could be the very opposite of God’s plan. Your bomb could be you getting off the altar. God will direct you.
I have just watched a very dear friend who had so much zeal for the Lord, so much passion to follow him, so much desire to die that he now sits, divorced, estranged from his wife and family, with his head in his hands wondering why the Lord gave him a spiritual cement job. In his zeal, he outran the Lord and left his wife because he could not wait for her to catch up.

Your passions may open the doors you expect and they may not. But you are to sit on the altar, no matter where you are or how God leads, and be a living sacrifice. Chuck Swindoll once said that the problem with living sacrifices is that they keep crawling off the altar. Get back on the altar.

What do you do when you cannot die for Christ? Live for him.

Even through the Tears...

Hello friends!
For the past several months, I've been following a wonderful blog called Proverbs 31 Wannabe. I've always been greatly encouraged by Tessa's posts; her love for the Lord is very evident. Recently, she asked me to write a guest post. So, I just thought I would let you know that a new post is up...it's just over at another blog. :)

Below is a snippet from the post that's over on Tessa's blog. And don't just go over to her blog to read the rest of my post. Sign up and follow her blog as well! I know you'll be encouraged!

I saw it out of the corner of my eye. The glass haphazardly rocked back and forth, warning me of its impending fall. I lurched across the kitchen, grasping the container only seconds before its oily contents would have spilled all over the new rug. “Thank you Lord,” I breathed, “thank you Lord!” My mind immediately jumped to the “what if” scenario, imagining the hours I would have had to spend cleaning the kitchen, if it had been smeared with splattered oil. I breathed a sigh of relief and again thanked the Lord for saving me from such a “horrible” situation. 

Would you have thanked Me if the oil had spilled?

Continue reading at Proverbs 31 Wannabe....

Would You Consent?

                                 

While perusing through Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper yesterday, I came across a beautiful quotation. It was written by Adoniram Judson, who after courting a certain Ann Hasseltine (who would later become his wife), wrote the following letter to her father.

"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with you daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of Him who left His heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"
~Adoniram Judson

Both Adoniram and Ann Judson understood and accepted the cost of following Christ, wherever He might lead, whatever it might include.

Do I?

If the Lord invited me to journey with Him, leaving friends and family, the comforts of home, and the promise of safety, would I willingly accept? Do I have such a high view of God and a fervent desire to see His name exalted among the nations that no sacrifice would be too high?

May the Lord grow a willing heart of faith within each one of us, for His glory and the furtherance of His precious kingdom!