When Plans Fail

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

When I came back from Ellerslie in April, I longed to go back for the Advanced Ellerslie Training course. It was about 10 months long, which seemed like a perfect time. Still pretty long but not too long. The course sounded absolutely wonderful and I believed the Lord was leading me to pursue it for the Spring of 2014.

So, I began working as a part-time nanny and raising money for Advanced. I had my plans (which I truly thought were from the Lord), but all of that has suddenly changed.

I just found out recently that Ellerslie is changing their Advanced program. Because of all the changes (they're wonderful changes, just different than what my plans were), I don't know if the Lord is calling me to go back to Ellerslie. I don't know where the Lord has me next year (He certainly could lead me to Ellerslie), but essentially, I'm back to square one: the unknown.

If you know my family's story (the Lord's leading in all of our moves), then you know how often we were faced with the unknown of where to live, what the future held, etc. And because the Lord had led us through those situations so often, there was a part of me that believed I had the whole "trusting in the Lord" lesson learned. Oh, how prideful! How foolish!

And praise Jesus, He has taken the blinders off my eyes! By removing all my former plans for next year, I was faced with the unknown again. With all my neat, little ideas gone, would I gladly trust and follow Him? What if He chose not to show me what next year holds...until next year?

These are questions the Lord has been bringing to the surface over the past couple days. And He has been so faithful to lead me back to Himself! Yes, is it easier to have the next year figured out, but there is such joy and beauty in learning to let go of "my desires and plans". For in the unknown, I am pushed to learn a greater dependence on Him. Praise the Lord for the precious, little ways that He continues to break us of ourself and turn our eyes to Him! 

I also love the timing of all of this. The Lord so perfectly chose to remove all of my plans, right before my family's vacation back to Michigan. Even though I hadn't blatantly said this, I was excited by the idea of knowing exactly what to say when all of my old friends and family ask me what my plans are. How self-reliant I still am! Jesus, save me from myself! I wanted to have a pretty "normal" answer to give to everyone, not the "I don't know, I'm just waiting on the Lord" answer that I've always had. But, why? Why would I want to remove the ability to proclaim my absolute need of and dependence on Him? To make myself look better? The Lord knows I need to be broken of that mindset as well! How gracious He is!

So friends, if any of you are wondering, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing in the next year. And I am so excited about that! Today, I am looking to Jesus. In His perfect time, He will show me the next step. What a sweet Savior we have!

Our Patient Father

May this be an encouragement to your soul today...

"In some sense, the path to heaven is very safe, but in other respects there is no road so dangerous. In the best roads we soon falter, in the smoothest paths we quickly stumble. These feeble knees of ours can scarcely support our tottering weight. A straw may throw us and a pebble may wound us; we are mere children tremblingly taking our first steps in the walk of faith. Our Heavenly Father holds us by the arms or we should soon be down. Oh, if we are kept from falling, how must we bless the patient power which watches over us day by day! Think, how prone we are to sin, how apt to choose danger, how strong our tendency to cast ourselves down, and these reflections will make us sing more sweetly than we've ever done, 'Glory be to Him, who is able to keep us from falling!'"

~Charles Spurgeon

Announcement: Upcoming Adventure

I'm sorry to those of you who have already heard all of this from me. I know many of you already know, but I wanted to post an official "blog" announcement for those who haven't heard.

In February, I'll be attending Ellerslie's Basic Leadership Training.

What is Ellerslie?

Hmm...that's a difficult question to answer. It's unlike anything I've found elsewhere, so it's hard to relate it to something. Ellerslie is a set-apart place (school) to go and seek the Lord, dive into His Word, and be challenged to live a life of abandonment and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Below is a video from Ellerslie describing what they do and who they are, if you want to know more about it. It will make much more sense to hear it from them. :)

Ellerslie has been a dream of mine for the past several years. I've longed to go and prayed that the Lord would show me if that was His will. The Lord is so gracious and opened up the door for me to attend Ellerslie's Winter/Spring Semester this February. He has made my dream a reality; I can't believe that after all this waiting, wondering, and praying I'll be leaving in a month. How great is His love!

*Happy Sigh*

I am SO excited for my two months at Ellerslie. Two months to devote specifically to my Beloved. Two months to seek His face, draw closer to His heart, and fall more in love with Him and His Word!

Oh friends, I still see so much selfishness, pride, and inconsistency in my heart. There are so many things that distract me from my Lord! I am praying that my time at Ellerslie will be a season of great breaking and that it won't just be a season, but the beginning of a deeper surrender and more intimate relationship with my King! May He increase, as I decrease!


"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! …YOU drove them from me, YOU Who are the True, the Sovereign Joy drove them from me and took their place! …O Lord, my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation!"
–St. Augustine

Oh, that He would strip away all those "fruitless joys" from my life; that I would always see my Beloved as the Pearl of Great Price and Treasure of my heart. Praise Him that I can be assured He will finish what He has started in me! His grace is sufficient!

I hope and pray that these next several months will be a time of great growth, surrender, and joy in Christ for all of us! May we seek Him with everything that we are, whether at home or away, cleaning the house or reading the Word! He is worthy of everything we are and do!

Praise His matchless name!

Faithful

Today marks the one week time limit before we have to be out of our current rental. One week.....and we don't know where we're going.

Depending on how well you know my family and our story, you are either thinking, "Oh my goodness! What are they thinking?!" or "Oh ya. That's always how it is with their family."

Many of our past moves have been trials of faith. It seems like the Lord loves to bring us right to the last hour and then show us the next step. Or in this case, the week before. Times like these bring up to the surface our true attitude toward the Lord.

Yes, it is confusing at times, it is hard. During these times, I often feel like David when he said, "To You, O Lord, I call; my rock, do not be deaf to me...Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You for help, when I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary." (Psalm 28:1-2)

Each move, each test of faith, is an opportunity to learn to trust Him more. And yet, so often when it gets down to "crunch time", we start to worry or grow anxious about the Lord showing us where to go. In those times, we're reminded why the Lord continues to bring us through this same thing over and over again...we are so quick to forget the lesson He just taught us.

This morning, I was reflecting on the Lord's faithfulness during times when it seems like He is absent, and was reminded of these precious verses from Isaiah 43:

"But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."

What a blessed promise to know that our God is with us, bringing us through the trial every step of the way.

"But Makenna, why doesn't the Lord just show you? Why is the Lord not listening to your prayers?"

Those are questions I can't answer, except that by not showing us until the last minute, He is receiving more glory, somehow. At the end of each move, I'm reminded of the song Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns. Here are some of the lyrics.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm


Over the past couple weeks, I have been convicted of wanting the Lord's will in my timing. By His grace, my prayer has changed from "Lord, please show us a house now" to "Lord, show us a house in your perfect time". Yes, we still desire to know soon and we are still looking at houses, but God's timing is perfect and He is faithful, no matter the circumstance.

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord. I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand." (Psalm 31:14-15a)

"You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. 'I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.'"(Psalm 32:7-8)

"'Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" (Isaiah 41:10)

The Lord will provide for us, even if it's not how we would think or hope. He will strengthen us, as He upholds us with His hand. We do need your prayers though. Please pray for us, that the Lord would give us the faith to trust Him and the strength to praise Him. Thank you so much!

New Sister!

As most of you probably already know, my family is adopting! We started the whole adoption process back in September 2008. We weren't planning to adopt a special needs child, at first. After much prayer and God changing our hearts, we started the adoption process to adopt a Down Syndrome baby from Hong Kong.

It's almost been a year since we began that journey.

Naturally, I was excited. I was getting another little sister! I never really thought about what God might teach me through this process though. He definitely knows what His children need to learn, doesn't He?!

For me, it was patience.

My family was hoping to have had Charity (my new sister's name) by June, but after some complications, we weren't able to. Of course, I was disappointed when we couldn't fly to Hong Kong in June. But, we are now hoping to be able to get her around late September, early October. Who knows?! It may be this month, late October, December, next year for all we know. But, the promise we can hold onto is that God is in control and His timing is perfect!

So, the Lord knows what I need, when I need it! I thank Him for that! He has been teaching me to rely solely on Him for everything! We ARE getting closer to the day we will finally hold her in our arms and be able to bring her home.

Lately, we got some updated pictures, medical information, and a 15 minute video of our beloved girl. It was so exciting to watch her crawl around, smile as she plays with her toys, and walk with assistance. It was encouragement we needed! We praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness even in this little trial!

By the way, I'll make sure to keep everybody posted.

Here are the updated pictures of Charity Anne Johnson.