"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."
When I came back from Ellerslie in April, I longed to go back for the Advanced Ellerslie Training course. It was about 10 months long, which seemed like a perfect time. Still pretty long but not too long. The course sounded absolutely wonderful and I believed the Lord was leading me to pursue it for the Spring of 2014.
So, I began working as a part-time nanny and raising money for Advanced. I had my plans (which I truly thought were from the Lord), but all of that has suddenly changed.
I just found out recently that Ellerslie is changing their Advanced program. Because of all the changes (they're wonderful changes, just different than what my plans were), I don't know if the Lord is calling me to go back to Ellerslie. I don't know where the Lord has me next year (He certainly could lead me to Ellerslie), but essentially, I'm back to square one: the unknown.
If you know my family's story (the Lord's leading in all of our moves), then you know how often we were faced with the unknown of where to live, what the future held, etc. And because the Lord had led us through those situations so often, there was a part of me that believed I had the whole "trusting in the Lord" lesson learned. Oh, how prideful! How foolish!
And praise Jesus, He has taken the blinders off my eyes! By removing all my former plans for next year, I was faced with the unknown again. With all my neat, little ideas gone, would I gladly trust and follow Him? What if He chose not to show me what next year holds...until next year?
These are questions the Lord has been bringing to the surface over the past couple days. And He has been so faithful to lead me back to Himself! Yes, is it easier to have the next year figured out, but there is such joy and beauty in learning to let go of "my desires and plans". For in the unknown, I am pushed to learn a greater dependence on Him. Praise the Lord for the precious, little ways that He continues to break us of ourself and turn our eyes to Him!
I also love the timing of all of this. The Lord so perfectly chose to remove all of my plans, right before my family's vacation back to Michigan. Even though I hadn't blatantly said this, I was excited by the idea of knowing exactly what to say when all of my old friends and family ask me what my plans are. How self-reliant I still am! Jesus, save me from myself! I wanted to have a pretty "normal" answer to give to everyone, not the "I don't know, I'm just waiting on the Lord" answer that I've always had. But, why? Why would I want to remove the ability to proclaim my absolute need of and dependence on Him? To make myself look better? The Lord knows I need to be broken of that mindset as well! How gracious He is!
So friends, if any of you are wondering, I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing in the next year. And I am so excited about that! Today, I am looking to Jesus. In His perfect time, He will show me the next step. What a sweet Savior we have!