A Lesson Re-Learned

Dependent: unable to subsist or to perform any thing, without the aid of

Isn't this the perfect definition of a Christian?

I know. This word, dependence, is the absolute opposite of everything that our culture seeks to attain. Independence is the cry of the American dream.

And yet, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I know my own inadequacy. I'll shout from the rooftops that I am a miserable wretch without the grace of God. I see in my own life how selfish and utterly sinful I am without Him.

So, why do I need to keep learning this lesson, this lesson of dependence?

Why do I so quickly forget what it means to be dependent on Him, to know that I can do absolutely nothing good on my own? (John 15)

Over the past couple weeks, my main prayer has been, "Lord, make me like Jesus!" 

Over the past couple days, He's begun answering my prayer in a way I hadn't expected.

He's been showing me my sin. A neglect in abiding. A lack of love-induced obedience. My failure to completely depend upon Him. 

I've been so caught up in the busyness of life lately, that I've failed to give Him the first priority. Instead of allowing Him to wake me up in the middle of the night to pray or early in the morning to spend time with Him, I determined the amount of sleep I needed. Instead of giving Him the best hours of the day, I decided what I wanted to do.

And I wondered why I had been struggling to sense His presence? To be obedient? To know the Spirit's leading?

Oh friends, I have to keep learning this lesson...over and over again!
I AM NOTHING! HE IS EVERYTHING! 

When will I learn? When will this finally sink into my thick skull? 

Oh, He is worthy; He deserves so much more than my half-hearted love and obedience! And praise Him, praise Him, praise Him that He is so patient with His children! Through it all: every failure to abide, every negligence to depend, every time self reigns, He is faithful and His love has never changed! He is making me more like Himself by revealing my inability. He shows me out of love, so that I am led to depend upon Him afresh.

What more do I need to invoke me to worship, to joyful obedience? I have a Beloved like no other! No other Lover would bear with my weaknesses, love me through every failure, and graciously draw me back to His forgiving arms again.  And to think, He took my countless transgressions and gave me His spotless perfection! The God of the Universe sees me as righteous! Oh, what love! What glorious grace has been shed upon me, the chief of sinners!

"Nothing in my hand I bring,

Simply to the cross I cling;

Naked, come to Thee for dress;

Helpless look to Thee for grace;

Foul, I to the fountain fly;

Wash me, Savior, or I die."

Rock of Ages, Augustus Toplady

Announcement: Upcoming Adventure

I'm sorry to those of you who have already heard all of this from me. I know many of you already know, but I wanted to post an official "blog" announcement for those who haven't heard.

In February, I'll be attending Ellerslie's Basic Leadership Training.

What is Ellerslie?

Hmm...that's a difficult question to answer. It's unlike anything I've found elsewhere, so it's hard to relate it to something. Ellerslie is a set-apart place (school) to go and seek the Lord, dive into His Word, and be challenged to live a life of abandonment and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Below is a video from Ellerslie describing what they do and who they are, if you want to know more about it. It will make much more sense to hear it from them. :)

Ellerslie has been a dream of mine for the past several years. I've longed to go and prayed that the Lord would show me if that was His will. The Lord is so gracious and opened up the door for me to attend Ellerslie's Winter/Spring Semester this February. He has made my dream a reality; I can't believe that after all this waiting, wondering, and praying I'll be leaving in a month. How great is His love!

*Happy Sigh*

I am SO excited for my two months at Ellerslie. Two months to devote specifically to my Beloved. Two months to seek His face, draw closer to His heart, and fall more in love with Him and His Word!

Oh friends, I still see so much selfishness, pride, and inconsistency in my heart. There are so many things that distract me from my Lord! I am praying that my time at Ellerslie will be a season of great breaking and that it won't just be a season, but the beginning of a deeper surrender and more intimate relationship with my King! May He increase, as I decrease!


"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! …YOU drove them from me, YOU Who are the True, the Sovereign Joy drove them from me and took their place! …O Lord, my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation!"
–St. Augustine

Oh, that He would strip away all those "fruitless joys" from my life; that I would always see my Beloved as the Pearl of Great Price and Treasure of my heart. Praise Him that I can be assured He will finish what He has started in me! His grace is sufficient!

I hope and pray that these next several months will be a time of great growth, surrender, and joy in Christ for all of us! May we seek Him with everything that we are, whether at home or away, cleaning the house or reading the Word! He is worthy of everything we are and do!

Praise His matchless name!

October Musings...

It's October already! Wow! Is anyone else amazed at how quickly September flew by?

Well, it's been awhile since I posted anything on this blog. It's been a very busy last couple of weeks! Forgive me for my absence....

 "The preoccupations of young women…do not change very much from generation to generation. But in every generation there seem to be a few who make other choices."

– Elisabeth Elliot –

I've read this quote before, but lately I've been thinking a lot about this. I'm turning 18 tomorrow and there's something about birthdays that cause me to reflect.

I want to be one of those few....those few who choose to reject the typical pattern of a young woman and live a life of radical abandonment to Christ. I don't want to be obsessed by the newest movies, caught up in the latest fashion trends, or absorbed in seeking the attention of young men. I don't want to waste my life in comfortable apathy. 

I want Christ. I want to be full of Him, used by Him, and in love with Him. Oh, how I want to be one of those few in this generation that would pursue Christ, no matter what anyone might say or do. 

I desire these things so much...and yet I see how far I am from them. 

I still see the reeking selfishness in my heart, the bitter pride that bites and attacks those closest to me. I am grieved to observe my disobedient heart, my judgmental mind, and my piercing tongue. 

I know. He is sanctifying me. He is continuing to grow me up and chisel off the ugliness. But sometimes, doesn't it feel like it's taking forever? Or that it's not even happening at all? 

Oh God, help my unbelief!

I'm reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9.

“'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

How good it is to know that my sanctification rests in His hands! His grace is sufficient and I can trust that He will continue to do what He has promised to complete. 

But oh, that doesn't mean that I will ever stop praying and pleading with my Father! He is the only One who can make me one of those "few;" I must continue to ask Him, as He has commanded, to seek His ever-straying servant. It is only through His extended grace that I will ever seek, love, and serve Him more. 

May the Lord make this following verse the prayer of our hearts....

"Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in Your ways." Psalm 119:37

Life Lessons: Sickness, Surrender, and My Precious Jesus

Hello dear readers...

I'm terribly sorry that I haven't yet posted the pictures that I promised to. My mom and sister have been sick for the past couple days, so I've been much busier than usual, taking on the "motherly" duties. :) It's been a wonderful time of once again recognizing (I feel like this is a continual lesson) my need to lean solely on Christ, especially when I'm tired and worn out, my emotions are spent, and there's still a million things to be done.

Over the past two days, there have been many times of falling into impatience, anger, self-pity, and bitterness. But isn't our God so good?!  He continues to pick me back up and graciously lead me to surrender...again and again.

Surrender. Giving thanks in every circumstance. Serving with a joyful heart. These are the things He is teaching me right now, the lessons that are so hard to learn. But He is teaching me, slowly but surely. Even when I don't feel "spiritual", even when I don't think that I'm growing in Him, even when I see the ugliness that I thought was gone boil up inside my heart again, I must trust my God. He has promised to continue refining me into His image; shouldn't His Word be enough? I must look to Christ, not myself.

"I am Yours; save me!" These words often pass my lips throughout the day, yet I wish that I reminded myself of this truth more. It needs to be His work in me; there is nothing I can do to change my selfishness, my bitterness, or my pride. He alone can change my heart and bring forth the dawning of His light in the dark night of my soul. I must trust Him. Oh Lord, help my unbelief!

I came across these verses tonight from Micah.

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, o my enemy. Though I fall, I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."
~Micah 7:7-8

Oh, this is so beautiful! How great is our God; He is our ever faithful Rock! And though we may fail, though we may fall, He will pick us up and bring us to victory in Him! Oh, my friends, let us wait for our God. Let us surrender ourselves completely to Him and watch expectantly to see what He will do.

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Well, I wasn't planning on writing all that I did above. I came on my blog planning to write a quick note saying, "Sorry that I haven't posted pictures...don't have time, so here's a quote from Charles Spurgeon,"(by the way, the quote from Spurgeon is below) but I just started typing and that's what flowed out of my heart.  Now that I think about it, I probably could have posted the pictures in the time it took me to write what I did. :) But, it's okay. The pictures will get posted eventually, but I needed to reflect on His faithfulness tonight...and He knew that. Again, I'm overwhelmed...He is so good.

So, here's that quote (that I mentioned above) from Charles Spurgeon. I read this tonight and it blessed me greatly. May it turn your gaze towards your Savior with a heart overwhelming with gratefulness and love. He is certainly worthy of it!

"My Master has riches beyond the count of arithmetic, the measurement of reason, the dream of imagination, or the eloquence of words. They are unsearchable! You may look, and study, and weigh, but Jesus is a greater Savior than you think Him to be when your thoughts are at the greatest. My Lord is more ready to pardon than you to sin, more able to forgive than you to transgress. My Master is more willing to supply your wants than you are to confess them. There is no music like the music of His pipe, when He is the Shepherd and you are the sheep and you lie down at His feet. There is no love like His, neither earth nor heaven can match it. Lord, teach us more and more of Jesus, and we will tell out the good news to others."
~Charles Spurgeon

Sneak Peek~ Recent Adventures

I know it's been several weeks (or has it been months?) since I've posted family pictures up on my blog. And because I've had several requests to post more pictures, I believe it's about time.

I was hoping to post those pictures today, but since I didn't have time, here's a sneak peek of the blogpost that will be coming in the next couple days.

I hope you're all enjoying this beautiful Monday, rejoicing in the goodness of our great God!

Megarama Day on Whidbey Island

Kayaking in Bellingham

Adoption Update: Conner is home!

Photo Credit: Keilah Engstrom of Vanilla Bean Photography

 "My soul exalts the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name." Luke 1:46b-47,49

Yes, Conner Matthew is home! Praise the Lord!

Thank you to all of you who sought the Father on our behalf during this adoption journey, and especially the past 10 days of travel.


The Lord has answered many prayer requests. There is an incredible bond between Conner and my parents, especially between him and my dad. It is so sweet to see my dad interacting with his first son. :) The flights, both there and back, were smooth and reached their destinations safely. Charity, Ari, and I had a wonderful time together, while our parents were gone. Yes, there were times of quarrels and impatience, but the Lord continually brought us to repentance and love for each other.


Yesterday, I met my little brother for the first time. And oh, he is so precious! He is all-boy, and continually causes us to laugh at the differences between him and Charity's all-girl personality. They are so cute together and are pretty inseparable! Charity absolutely adores him and cannot stop smiling at his every move.

Conner is adjusting very well for it being his second day home. The only struggles he has right now are adjusting to the time difference and feeling confused with his surroundings at times. Last night, he would not fall asleep unless he was held by my mom. We are all a little sleep-deprived over here, but we are definitely making up for it. It seems like the past day has been made up of eating and sleeping. :) We are definitely looking forward to getting back into a schedule.

Please continue praying for Conner's adjustment to our family. We're not sure how long it will take him to adjust to a 15 hour difference in time, but please pray that it will be soon. It is very taxing to have a little man who sleeps during the day and wants to be awake at night. :) But God is faithful, and He will give us the strength we need!

The pictures displayed here were taken by my dear friend, Keilah Engstrom of Vanilla Bean Photography. (To go to her website, click on the link underneath the pictures. She is an incredibly talented photographer!) Her and her mom graciously drove us to the airport to pick up our parents and Keilah took pictures of our first meeting. I will be posting more of those pictures soon.

It is amazing to think that our second adoption process has ended.....and yet, it is really only the beginning of a lifetime to be spent with this precious little man! Praise the Lord for His goodness!

Photo Credit: Keilah Engstrom of Vanilla Bean Photography

Adoption Update: Off to Hong Kong

Wow, how this past week has flown by! I had hoped to write this blogpost sooner, but time just seemed to slip away from me.

A week ago, we received "the call"; for those of you who have ever gone through an adoption or are in the process, you know what this means. It is the time when all of the paperwork has been completed, the "red tape" has been cleared, and it is finally time to go.

My parents are leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow. There is much hustling and bustling going on over here, but it is a truly exciting time as we prepare to welcome Conner Matthew into our family.

                              Yes, that's our little man. He's slightly older now, but still so cute!

Note: Because of the adjustment period that takes place after an adoption, my blogposts will probably be more sporadic. But I will definitely work on getting a post together with pictures and updates as soon as possible. :)

For this week, we need prayer, much prayer! Here are some specific requests:

• Preparation grace-As my parents finish all of the last-minute plans, please pray that they will have grace to remember everything and continue resting in the Lord. It is easy to get stressed out during times like these, but it is so beautiful when the Lord's grace floods our hearts and calms our anxious hearts. 
• Traveling mercies- Their flight is 18 hours long....yes, it's very long. And as they've already gone through it once before (with Charity), they are not looking forward to the flight. It is very intense, so I hear, and therefore needs much prayer for mercy, patience, and more grace. Please also pray that they will maintain a kingdom-focus throughout this trip, allowing the Lord to use them in whatever way He desires. 
• An immediate bond between my parents and Conner- According to the orphanage workers, Conner is sensing that something is going on and is becoming more clingy to his caretakers. Please pray that the Lord would prepare his heart to let go of the life he's always known (in the orphanage) and form an immediate attachment to my parents. This is incredibly important!
•  Joy and unity for Ariana and I- From past experience, we know how the enemy loves to bring disunity and strife in times of tiredness, impatience, or difficulty. It is such a blessing to have Ari as a sister; she is always such a great help. Please pray that we will treat each other as better than ourselves this week and serve one another and Charity with Christ's joy. Also, for friends and family worried about Ari and I being home-alone with Charity....don't worry. Some friends have graciously offered to stay with us! :)
• Grace for Charity- Our little sweetheart is very attached to "mommy and daddy", so it will definitely be hard for her to be separated from them for over a week. Please pray that the Lord would comfort her and give her the strength that she needs. 

Thank you so much for your prayers! They mean more to us than you know!

Have a blessed week, dear reader! Like I stated earlier, I will try to post an update as soon as possible! 

February Trips~

February was a very busy month! During the first week, my family and I were in Florida, enjoying a family reunion at Disney World. Two weeks later, my dad and I were in Texas, attending a business meeting and touring the Lone Star State. I hope you enjoy the pictures!

By the way, the trips are displayed in the opposite order. I downloaded the Disney trip pictures first, not even thinking about what order they should be in. It's a rather long process to drag pictures on Blogger, so I'm just going to post them as they are. :)

Texas Trip:
A couple months ago, I started working for my dad as his secretary, taking over some of his basic jobs and helping to keep him organized. It has been a wonderful learning process and I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Back at the beginning of the year, my dad found out that there was going to be a sales meeting in February, so he decided to take me along for training. The meetings went well, but my favorite part about the trip was being able to spend some one-on-one time with my dad. He is such a blessing to me!

One of the tourist stops we made was to Zilker Botanical Gardens. We didn't have much time to see them, so we rushed through and enjoyed what we did get to see.

My dad, falling into a well ;)


This was a real window from a mansion, which had been destroyed. They saved the window and gave it to the park.


Bamboo Forest


This was at the top of Mount Bonnell. It's actually not a mountain. You just have to climb some stairs to reach the top. The view was gorgeous!

The view from our hotel balcony! It was stunning!

The view from the balcony at night. Such a gorgeous sunset!

My favorite tourist spot that we visited was The Alamo. I love history, so it was such a blessing to be able to go somewhere I had previously learned about. By the way, this picture is just of the gift store...in case anyone was wondering. :)

Me standing at the back entrance to the Alamo.

Yes, there it is. Isn't it beautiful?

It was a very warm day in San Antonio, and my dad graciously treated me to some ice cream. Mmm...it hit the spot!

And of course, we had to stop at the local Goodwill to see what they had. :)

Disney World
For their 40th wedding anniversary, my grandparents graciously decided to take the whole family on a trip to Disney World. We had a wonderful time, catching up with the family, as well as enjoying the Disney experience.

There's the whole crew...with Donald Duck. :)

This baby elephant was so cute!

Ariana and I in front of the Epcot ball (I forgot the ball's name).

Princess Charity

Such a good daddy...

Ariana loves anything Chinese, so she was ecstatic when we went to "China" in Epcot.

Okay, I know this picture is kind of weird, but I was trying to quickly take a picture before the ride ended, when suddenly the little ride turned a corner. Hence, the strained expressions. :)

Cousins! They were so cute together!

This was made out of Legos!

Enjoying some cuddle time with grandpa

I thought this display was really fun!

Hanging out...

Both of these trips were great fun, but more importantly, they were incredible times of learning. The Lord used the busyness of it all to point me to my need for Him. It is one thing to learn to abide in Him at home, but quite another in the chaos and busyness of the world. It is something I still need to learn! At the time, it was a painful learning experience, but looking back, it is so sweet that the Lord used my weaknesses and shortcomings to draw me closer to Himself!